Converting Silk Pajamas to a Parachute

I have never been a huge fan of leaps of faith, although recently it seems like I land from one only to find myself preparing to take another. Personally I prefer to have my feet firmly on the ground, even if that ground is rocky and steep because as long as there is ground underneath me I know where I am and that the fall is not going to hurt too badly. Once you leap you have no idea if the jump is three feet or three thousand feet and if the landing will be gentle or cataclysmicly shattering. So now I find myself on the edge again where I am taking three, oh no that was not a mistake I meant to type three, separate leaps of faith at once and feeling a bit like Sybil wondering how I can throw myself off of three ledges at the same time and quite probably receive three different landing results. First is the most enjoyable leap of faith in the fact that I am taking an enormous risk in participating in this summer missions program. This is most like going over a waterfall in a barrel. If nothing else the ride will be unforgettable and you will have an incredible story to tell for the remainder of your life. Over on cliff number two is a leap that I am taking by choice because I have this annoying little thing called a conscience. I detest injustice, but I abhor and detest injustice when it is directed at someone who is incapable of defending themselves and when it is being done because of prejudice, ineptitude at one's job, and laziness. My conscience is staging a revolt against the school policies of only giving parents the exact amount of information required by law and nothing more, or even outright lying to them. I have never played nicely with others and have been a rebel, so why stop now. When given a choice between obeying a system that I know would not give this child a proper educational opportunity or obeying the moral code of my own soul the choice was really not that freaking difficult. I have not been explicitly forbidden to do anything that I have done or am doing, although I think it may have been assumed that no teacher would do such things after the "don't do anything stupid and be very careful in all you say and do" speech this past August in which we were instructed about choosing words carefully and being selective in what information we offer. Well, I will not participate in the miseducation of any child and this this year I have been subtly backdooring information to parents and finding ways to insure that every child received what they needed even though my own teaching has been greatly hampered by the work of my assistant, or I should say inability to work. All I will say on that note is that it is April and because of a mistake she made while changing a diaper one of my children ended up putting feces in his mouth and eyes yesterday. I would expect that by now she could at least change a diaper without screwing up. So anyway, leap number two is culminating in a series of events where I will refuse to participate in the miseducation and mis-service of a child (and potentially more children). Could this lead to trouble at work, and with my job? I don't have an honest answer other than I would rather jump than stand there and watch all of my little ones fall. Jump number three is one I was forced into by the administration of my school in reference to said assistant. Because of the fact that she is unable to complete simple tasks safely, let alone actually keep the children from hurting themselves or each other, let alone ASSIST ME in teaching I have been placed in a position where I can not remain at the school for next year. The administration has refused to do anything about this issue except admonish me to be patient, to instruct her better, and to make my expectations clear (OK, don't let the kids eat crap! Is that clear enough for her?!? And if they run away for the love of everything holy could she possibly make an attempt to stop them or catch them?). I have 11 children in my class and 1 adult child. I refuse to lose my career and whatever is left of my sanity to this situation when she causes a child to be seriously injured, and I say when not if. Since she is untouchable at my school and has yet to even be reprimanded for anything she has done (leave a child on the changing table and walk away? Well, just remind her, she is capable of learning.) I am out of there. However, I have not been guaranteed a job opening in preschool for the fall and I like the simple things in life like food, water, shelter, medical care. So I am applying for a job in a completely different area of special education which would require me to return to school to get my masters degree. Since sixth grade I have wanted to teach preschool special education and after two short years I am seriously considering bailing at least for a while. HUGE LEAP. So, since I hate not being in control and I detest leaps I have decided that what I need is a parachute. I checked out the parachute we have in our classroom at school, but it has an odd hole in the center that I am a bit concerned may cause some issues with slowing my descent. Then I considered purchasing one from a sky diving group, but then I realized that anyone who jumps out of a plane for fun isn't quite stable and would probably sell me an old one in need of repair. So I have settled on a solution. I am converting silk pajamas into a parachute. Hey, before you laugh, the Confederate army made a hot air balloon out of silk dresses during the Civil war so I am certain this can be done. At least with a parachute when the ground comes rushing up at me after I leap I can slow the rate at which I slam into it, or if it turns out to be a beautiful leap afterall I can perhaps sustain the ride longer and enjoy the amazing wonder of faith and providence before having to return to earth. If nothing else it will sure make a statement as I throw my Sybil self off of all three cliffs. My banner to the world as I jump will be a hodge-podge, mismatched crazy quilt parachute of silky pajamas. Interpret as you wish.