Cold Con Artists

I have not yet experienced the combination of awe, joy, and terror that must be having a child of your own. However, I do think that after working with children in some form or another for over half of my life, and two college degrees, I have figured out just a few things about children. For the love of everything holy, do not fill your child up with cold medication and then send them off to school thinking that no one will ever possibly catch on to your little plot. First of all, if your child is verbal, they will rat you out every single time. Please, if your child is willing to tell me your version of how babies are born, what makes you think they are not going to tell me that you gave them cold medicine that morning? And yes, you should wonder just what your precious child has shared with the class about your family...just wonder about that one. If your child does not yet talks, I will still find out about your plot. See, even if you administer the medicine as the child is leaving to get on the bus to school that still means that the medication will at least begin to wear off if not wear off completely before your child leaves my classroom to head home. Darn those doses that are necessary every 4-6 hours. And I do find it suspicious when a child morphs from an animated, interactive child to a listless, snotty, coughing form curled up on the carpet almost exactly 4 hours after they would have left home. See, that high school math does pay off. I know that parents have to work, that child care is expensive, and that it is not easy to care for a sick child. However, I need to work too, and caring for your sick child while teaching nine others is not easy either. Plus, sticking my hand into my pockets and finding handfuls of kleenex covered in someone else's snot is just a whole new level of nasty. Almost equal to having your child wipe it on my sleeve - MY sleeve, not theirs! Can we just cut the act and be honest here - at least tell me up front that you are sending in a sick child so I can have a fair chance. Not that in a preschool classroom where we breed new and exotic germs I ever have a chance. Perhaps I am just grumpy because one of those darn germs managed to catch up with me in spite of the obsession with hand sanitizer, Clorox Anywhere Spray, and "let's wash our hands". So to whichever child found it in their heart to finally share something, even if it was this disgusting cold germ, thanks. And to their parents who tried to sneak them into the classroom with tylenol and dimetap - I may save a few little germs to bring along on my next home visit. Just to return the favor.