Not a Goat

Dear Children,
I realize that you are trying to assist your teacher in her efforts to lose weight and that you only have her health in mind. I truly appreciate your kind intentions and generosity of spirit. Your willingness to sacrifice your own effort to benefit me is incredible. But for the love of everything holy these 500 yard dashes up the damn hill on the playground chasing you as you run away from the group are no longer amusing. My arse can not tear up that incline with the ease of a gazelle, and you always have a head start. You are only carrying your light, aerodynamic, and unbelievably flexible preschooler frame up the hill while I am carting my sturdy, not meant for flight, definitely not so flexible adult frame up that hill and usually not for the first or second time. You are wearing name brand running shoes, for which I will be sure to thank your parents. I am wearing cheap slip on flats most days, or cheap knock off brand sneakers. There is an advantage there, and there is a reason that you,a child who cannot reach a basketball net with a step ladder, should never be given Air Jordan's or Nike's or anything that might help them run faster than the little creatures already do. No one finds it cute when you stand at the top of the hill taunting me and wait until I am half way up to take off running further away. And I do mean no one - just ignore your little friends at the bottom of the hill cheering you on and laughing hysterically. They are the voice of evil. So please, if you are truly concerned about my health and welfare stop forcing me to sprint up and down the hill like a frickin' mountain goat and instead allow me to chase you around the playground in a friendly game of tag, or to push you on the swing or to play preschool soccer. I do not mind playing actively with you at recess, but that hill is more likely to lead to an early demise than it is to ever save my life. However, it may just result in you spending your recess lined up with your runaway buddies in a row of chairs watching your friends play those fun games. Just an idea to consider because I am so not above keeping plastic chairs outside for you to sit in as our spectators until you learn that I AM NOT A MOUNTAIN GOAT. You may wish to keep that in mind the next time you have the idea to run up that hill without my permission. I am the same teacher that has no problem making you stand up to eat lunch when you kick my table or keep scooting your chair around. Please don't test me. I don't like to go all Wicked Witch on you, but I will. I still love you guys more than you can imagine, even if you do exhaust me after four sprints up that hill in one 15 minute period. So truce?
Love, Teacher